theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
