i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
