She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
