We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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