we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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