i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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