I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
