You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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