omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just cropdusted the office
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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