Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
