The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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