I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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