am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
