Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
