Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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