This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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