We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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