proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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