i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
