I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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