No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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