Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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