in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
