Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
