Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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