he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
