What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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