in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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