So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
