Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
