He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
