one word: firstdatebathroomanal
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
