My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
