I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
