you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
