I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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