I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
