I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
