I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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