I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
