OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize