I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
