I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
