I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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