I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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