1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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