Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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