Dual....:-)
My hand turned me down
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
