oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just blew my weed a kiss
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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