508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Randomize
