I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize