so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
