genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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