whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
