Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
