when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
