there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
