The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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