try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
