did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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