I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
