i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
