A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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