After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
