I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You're like the curious george of whores
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
