Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's shark week go big or go home
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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