Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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