Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
