I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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