they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
