The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He better not be in your backpack
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
