she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
