My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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