I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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