mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
