I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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