I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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