i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
