I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
