there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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