i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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