I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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