Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
MIDGETS
????
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
