My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
