guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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