well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
