I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
